This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Hippo gnu deer
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
