no, he came in my armpit
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
well you can't waste a boner
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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