apparently the secret to your success is patron
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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