Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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