We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
