He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
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