Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
