i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
3pm strippers are depressing
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
