Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
