Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
