i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
