Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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