dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
