all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
