In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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