Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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