Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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