I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
