i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Did I show you my penis last night?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
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Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
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How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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