So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
