It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize