i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
