I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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