you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just forgot I was standing up.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
