guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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