It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Randomize
