If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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