So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
