I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
