My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
