The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
