i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
