Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
