i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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