Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Pants 0. Shit 1.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
is it fun? or sober?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
