The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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