3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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