the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
