OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
