apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
