when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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