I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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