Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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