Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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