I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
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