I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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