I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
This house was built for laser tag.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
