I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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