Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
