I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
it's like heaven, but drunker
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
