He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
