my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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