Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He told me they were just razor bumps!
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
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she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
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Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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