well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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