And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Randomize
