Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
we're making bets on your personal life
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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