I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
