you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he was CRYING into my vagina
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
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