a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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