U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
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I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
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He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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