I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
