i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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