Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
