see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
