At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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