The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
