If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
