At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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