You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Randomize
