There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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