I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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