you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
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I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
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Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize