i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
