shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
