so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
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Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
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IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
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