Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
